Clueless
by A Shade of Grey
Summary: Lily has exciting news for James, but he’s too clueless to take a hint.


_**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned it, but I don't._

_**Summary:** Lily has exciting news for James, but he's too clueless to take a hint._

_**Author's Note:** This is sort of a sequel to "Take a Hint," but you don't have to read that to understand "Clueless."_

**Clueless**

Lily Potter had news to share with her husband. Huge news. Life changing news. The best news possible. A spectacular dinner had been prepared for the occasion, and all that remained was to wait for James to return from work, at which time she would casually bring up the subject of babies and wait for him to figure it out.

Of course, that could take a while, as James was never good at putting two and two together.

"Mmm, something smells good," a voice announced from the living room. Good, he was home! Lily quickly checked over the table, making sure everythig was perfect, before she exited the kitchen and rushed to greet him.

"You're home!" she exclaimed, hugging him tightly.

"Is that surprising?" James asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course not!" Lily laughed nervously and grabbed James' hand, dragging him towards the kitchen. "Come, come, I made a nice dinner for you, and I don't want to let it get cold!"

"Shouldn't I chan—" James started, but Lily quickly cut him off.

"No!"

"If you're sure…" The table was already set when they entered the kitchen, and the dinner did look particularly delicious. James worried about spilling food on his work robes—he was a rather messy eater—but the fear of Lily getting angry kept him silent. The littlest things had been setting her off lately, and she seemed more anxious now than he had ever before. Wait… Oh no… She… Did she… "You cheated on me, didn't you?" James accused, his eyes wide.

"What?" Lily stared at him blankly in confusion, but James wasn't about to buy the innocent act.

"You did!" he shouted, standing up abruptly and backing away. "I can't believe you!"

"You think I… _cheated_ on you? Have you gone completely insane, James?" The idea was preposterous! Ludicrous! How could James possible think that?

"What's with the fancy meal, then, Lily?" James challenged, acting as though he had caught her in a trap. "You hate to cook!"

"Did you ever think I might, _just might_, want to treat my husband to a nice meal?" she asked sharply, crossing her arms against her chest and glaring.

"Oh, er…" James trailed off sheepishly. "Right. Sorry."

"Sit down, James!" Lily snapped, her eyes narrowed angrily.

"I have to tell you, Lily, the food looks amazing," James assured her as he moved to obey, choosing his words very carefully. "Thank you for making it."

"You're welcome," she replied stiffly, still frowning at her empty plate. "Now that we've established that I'm not cheating on you, shall we eat?" A muscle twitched in her jaw—a sure sign of danger—and James nodded meekly, trying hard not to set her off. After a few minutes of silence, Lily was slightly calmer, and asked with forced congeniality, "How was work?"

"Boring." James shrugged, grabbing the gravy boat.

"My day wasn't boring at all," said Lily, eyeing James as he drowned his food with gravy. Minutes before, she had been struggling not to scream; now, watching her husband pour a generous amount of gravy over all his food, she was struggling not to laugh.

"Lucky you." Finished with the gravy—half of it was now gone—James looked at his wife, who, in turn, was looking at him very expectantly. He hated when she did that; it meant he was missing something very obvious. "Er…"

"Actually, it was full of exciting news," Lily told him, a secret smile on her face.

"Really? Wait, don't tell me _another_ co-worker is pregnant?"

"_Someone_ is pregnant." Again, she looked at James expectantly, which made him uncomfortable.

"Is it Emma? She acted pregnant the last I saw her. Sort of." Lily pursed her lips.

"James! I told you not to listen to Sirius!" Lily reprimanded. "Just because someone doesn't drink at a party, that doesn't mean she's pregnant; Sirius had no idea what he was talking about."

"But," protested James, "who else could it be?"

"Think, James. I know, it's hard," Lily teased, trying hard not to grin, "but you have to _think_."

For a few moments, James was silent, deep in thought. "I'm drawing a blank," he told her finally. "I can't think of who else it could be."

"Who do you know that is having trouble controlling her emotions, lately? Who has been craving odd food combinations that seem disgusting to you? Who, James?"

James still looked blank. "Lily," he said slowly, "I have no idea. The last time I saw anyone from your work was about two months ago."

"James!" Lily exclaimed in exasperation. It was time for a new tactic, James would never figure it out if she continued down this path. "We might have to move into a bigger house," she said abruptly.

"Why? I like this house!"

"I do, too, but we're running out of room," Lily explained, to which James to raised an eyebrow. Their house was the perfect size for the two of them, with a bedroom to spare for Sirius. "Well, not right now, but we will need more room soon."

"Oh," James muttered, comprehension spreading across his face. "I get it! You want Sirius to move out."

"Fina—What?" Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.

"I know it annoys you to have him here, but… Lily, he hardly ever stays here, and he helped us pick out the house…"

"Oh, no, James, I don't mean—" Lily started, but James wasn't listening.

"He's our best friend, Lily, and all he asks for is one bedroom that he can use when he stays over… It would kill him if took away his room… I know he eats more than a hungry manticore, but… Please," James pleaded, "don't take his room away."

"I'm not trying to kick Sirius out," Lily told him, frowning. "I don't come off as that mean, do I?"

"You don't come off as mean at all!" insisted James, a huge grin crossing his face. "Sirius'll be so happy, Lily! I can't wait to tell him!"

"Tell him what?" asked Lily, thoroughly confused by now. Honestly, James' mind worked in the oddest ways…

"That he can stay!"

"But I was never going to kick him out…" Lily trailed off, before shrugging her shoulders. She had more important things to worry about than Sirius thinking she wanted him to move out, like the fact that James was completely clueless. It was time for a more direct approach, as James wouldn't be able to figure out anything less. "I went to St. Mungo's this morning."

James sat up very straight, suddenly completely alert and serious. "Did they tell you why you've been sick every morning?"

"Yes," said Lily. "They told me—"

"Oh no! It's something fatal, isn't it?" Hazel eyes widened to their limit as James started to worry. "I told you to go two weeks ago, Lily! Now it's too late! Isn't it?"

"No, James—"

"Oh, Merlin, I'll never be able to forgive myself if something happens to you, Lily! This is all my fault!"

"It's only partly your fault, you prat," Lily whispered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

"I can't believe I let this happen! I should have—"

"James!" she shouted, finally breaking through his panic attack.

"What?" He looked around, startled, as though he had just realized she was there.

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh…" James promptly fainted.


End file.
